Drowning in Deception
by Kyuseisha no Hikari
Summary: The holidays are coming around, and it's all but pleasant for a certain blonde. When his little secret is accidentally discovered by his good friend, Dark, it seems the whole world is suddenly out to get him.
1. Chapter 1

**Drowning in Deception**

_The holidays are coming around, and it's all but pleasant for a certain blonde. When his little secret is accidentally discovered by his good friend Dark, it seems the whole turns against him._

Chapter 1

...

Krad sighed heavily, closing the door behind him. His face, sore from smiling to hide his grief settled into a careless frown and he sank down heavily onto the chair next to his desk.

Closing his eyes and leaning back a bit, he stared at the ceiling, listening to the voices outside. They were all so happy. So jovial. So unlike him.

Reaching effortlessly, the blonde grabbed the notebook sitting on the hard surface in front of him and fumbled around for a pen until he finally spotted one. Gripping it gently, he tapped it against the desk before settling deeper into the chair and writing the first thoughts that came to mind.

His words, written in his unique, elegant scrawl, alluded to a poetic side.

_Sitting here in turmoil, reflecting times long past,_

_Trying to recall, the time I smiled last,_

_And by that, please understand,_

_I mean not the mask at hand,_

_The one I always hide behind to veil this growing fear,_

_Wishing oh so quietly the end be drawing near_

Krad smirked painfully at the paper in front of him, scanning the words that littered the page. Pathetic, that's what it was. He was putting on a show—leading his friends to believe he wasn't the blonde sitting in the corner quietly pondering the swiftest way to destroy every trace he ever existed.

Oh, yes…that was a rather interesting thought. Krad, one of the most popular males in the _entire_ school…entire _town_ for that matter, trying to make everyone forget about him.

Why?

No one had ever asked. How could they ask if they didn't know?

Inwardly, he mused if he should enroll in some sort of therapy, though he rejected the thought almost instantly. Everyone was always saying how death and cutting were such horrible things, though he'd never seen them to be such. Leaning back in his chair, he wondered if he was blind from in some aspect. Was there really something in life he was missing? Was there something to bring back the thoughts of happiness? Something to bring back the feeling that made him feel like he was important in someone's eyes?

The blonde let out a dry chuckle. There was no one to say it for him, so he spoke for them. "No. There isn't anything. Such a fool, such a fool…"

He picked up his pen and scribbled more words, his mind drifting farther away.

_When you ask if I'm okay,_

_It's so easy just to say,_

"_I'm doing wonderful today,"_

_But how I dearly wish I may,_

_Warn, "I may never be okay"_

_Still, inside I know I can't—you'd never understand,_

_You'd yell and scream at me, and then you'd reprimand,_

_Cursing me for my own mutilation,_

_Damning me for my own devastation_

The blonde scowled again, tearing the sheet of paper from the notebook and crumpling it up into a wad before disposing of it in a wastebasket. He wasn't a poet by any means, so his sad attempts at self expression through pretty words left him disgruntled and angry; he was ashamed he could even degrade himself to such lows.

He rolled up the sleeve of his shirt, then, and glanced carelessly at the many scars littering his arm. He couldn't believe no one had ever noticed, though even while he remained in spiteful for their ignorance, he was simultaneously relieved that no one had never discovered his weakness. The last thing he needed was the lot of them chasing him up a tree for something he couldn't help.

He stared for a few moments, tracing his finger over some of the more visible lines—an array of red and white and all colors in between—before he pulled his sleeve down again, effectively hiding all traces of his cutting. Moving by his open window, he glanced outside. The view from his second story room was rather uninteresting, though let him easily take a glimpse at the outside world. It was dark. Dull. Nothing particularly interesting about the sky, he realized that he might be the only one paying attention to the grayed clouds. They weren't really worthy of attention and would likely go unnoticed unless they decided to rip themselves apart and spill their mighty torrents, drowning the world in it's misery.

The weather was perfect.

Perfectly matching his mood.

As long as he kept his mouth shut, no one would ever know his secrets. Never get in his way, never try to help him with absolutely stupid advice he would never listen to, never—

The door opened slightly, and a tanned face peeked in. "Hey—I thought I'd find you here. Krad?"

The blonde cocked his head to the side, averting his gaze from the outside world to the figure standing in the doorway. "Hmm?"

"Krad…are you okay?" Dark asked, stepping inside, closer towards the blonde.

Krad paused in thought, recollecting himself before smiling falsely. "Of course I'm okay! Don't be stupid, why wouldn't I be?"

Dark shrugged, grinning. "I don't know. I mean, I've known you for what, almost eight years now? You just don't seem like the type of person who would be sulking during the holidays!"

_Oh. Well, Dark…maybe eight years wasn't enough. You still don't know me, really._

"I suppose you might be right about that. Thanksgiving isn't much of a holiday, though…" Krad said, moving from the window and walking towards Dark; he subtly tugged at the long sleeves of his sweater, assuring they covered not only his arms but down to his knuckles as well.

"Who cares—there's a lot of food. Let's go—Daisuke and Satoshi are getting anxious. They want to head over to Emiko's right now."

Krad couldn't deny that he was at least mildly amused. "Are you sure that isn't just you?"

Dark smiled sheepishly. "Okay, you figured me out. Can we leave?"

Krad nodded. "Let me just get my coat. I'll be out in a minute.

Dark grinned widely. "Thanks. I'll go tell Dai and his creepy little boyfriend."

"You do that," Krad said watching as Dark disappeared from view; he didn't bother to stick up for his brother merely because he was so used to Dark's 'affectionate' nickname for his younger sibling.

He sighed heavily, reaching for his white winter coat and slipped it over his thin body, tossing his gaze outside.

"Lying…I really should stop lying to them…"

"Lying to who?" Dark said, popping back into view.

Krad blinked, momentarily taken aback. "Lying to…no one. It's not important. You wouldn't understand."

"You sure?"

"Do I look like I could ever lie to _you_?"

"Well…no…not really," Dark said, scratching the back of his neck.

"You should pay more attention, then," Krad said, walking past Dark and into the hallway.

"Wait…what? Krad—?"

"Come on, it isn't important. Let's go."

Dark stared at his friend for a long moment. Not important? Bull shit. He might have missed a lot of obvious things, though he'd never been one to miss the important things, and right now he could tell that something was wrong with his friend.


	2. Chapter 2

**Drowning in Deception**

_The holidays are coming around, and it's all but pleasant for a certain blonde. When his little secret is accidentally discovered by his good friend, Dark, it seems the whole turns against him._

Chapter 2

...

Dark shivered, rubbing his crossed arms with his hands as a gust of icy wing blew at the four traversing to the Niwa household. "Damn," he cursed, "whose idea was it to _walk_?"

"Yours," Satoshi responded with a glare that sent shivers colder than the weather down Dark's spine. It wasn't like there were cars readily available at all times, so it was really their only option.

"Oh, come on—we're almost there and my Mom'll have warm food read for us. There—!" Daisuke exclaimed, his face brightening. "I can see my house from here, so it won't be too much longer!"

"Good! 'Cuz I don't think I can feel my lower body any more," Dark said with a smirk as his pace increased. Suddenly, though, he paused to look at the group behind him. "Hey, Krad?"

The blonde blinked, shaking his head as he looked up from the snowy sidewalk to Dark. "I'm sorry…?"

"You're lagging behind—hurry up!" Dark said, waiting for the other three to catch up. Daisuke and Satoshi passed him, the two now leading as Dark continued to wait for the blonde, who again muttered a quick apology.

"It's okay. Hey, Krad?" Dark asked, looking at Krad inquisitively as they walked side by side.

"Hmm…?" Came the simple reply.

"Is…Krad, you'd tell me if something was bothering you…if something was _wrong, _wouldn't you?"

Krad blinked, his eyes rising to meet Dark's violet gaze. "I guess so…why?"

Dark shook his head. "No reason…you just seem kinda…out of it, today, is all…"

"Oh…I'm sorry…I guess I've got a lot on my mind," Krad said with a shrug as he placed his gloved hands in the pockets of his jacket.

"You wanna talk?" Dark questioned, all signs of his normal, carefree attitude disappearing as it was replaced with concern.

A wave of hesitation washed over Krad and he raised a brow. "About what…?"

"Whatever's on your mind."

"Oh…no, I'm fine," Krad said, looking away.

Dark stared for a few moments longer, trying to assess what was wrong. Inwardly, he was cursing, frustrated that he couldn't break a single clue from Krad.

Krad shifted uncomfortably still feeling Dark's heavy gaze, though he refused to look at him. Instead, he focused on the mere yards they had left to walk before they reached the welcoming house of the Niwa's

"Come _on_, you two—stop lagging behind! You're letting all the cold air in!" Emiko called, her face peering out of the doorstep.

"Sorry, sorry," Dark mumbled, tossing a smile in her direction.

"Oh, it's all right, just come on," the brown haired woman said as she disappeared back into her house, leaving the door open for them.

The two older teenagers warmly accepted this gesture and quickly delved inside the house's warm recesses.

Emiko let out a stifled giggle as she looked at the four boys sitting at the table in front of her.

"Mom!" Daisuke plead, "Cut it out...it isn't funny..."

"I'm so sorry," his mother replied, still giggling slightly, "but you all just look so cute!"

All four boys' faces were flushed, their noses pinkish in color from their escapade outside.

"Aw, _Emiko..."_ Dark said, scowling. Krad merely stared boredly at the table, just as likely to not be paying attention as he was to be genuinely uninterested. Satoshi, equally unfazed by the comment, merely glanced calmly at a flustered Daisuke.

Chuckling one last time, Emiko smiled again. "All right—well, let's eat this before it gets cold!"

Dark let out an exasperated sigh, grinning. "Damn, Emiko, I'm stuffed. I don't think I could eat another bite…"

"Dark—language," she warned before adding, "No room for…pumpkin pie, even?"

"Hmm…."The violet haired boy mumbled as he mockingly pretended to be in deep thought. "Well," he concluded, "I guess some wouldn't hurt…"

Emiko smiled as she prepared to fetch the plate, standing up from her seat. "Well, in that case I'll go get it."

"Well, Emiko, wait," Krad said quickly, rising as well. "I'll go get it—you relax."

"Oh?" the woman prompted, hesitating.

"I mean, you did make this whole meal—let me at least get the pie for you."

"Well…if you insist, I guess…" She said, slowly sitting back down. Krad gave a quick smiled and departed into the kitchen.

Perhaps simply not wanting to be shown up, Dark insisted, "I'll go, too." He pushed himself up out of the chair and away from the table.

A second later he appeared in the kitchen behind Krad, watching as the blonde pulled a toasted dessert out of the oven. "Hey."

Krad jumped, having not expected anyone to say something—nonetheless be right behind him—and hissed as the skin on his wrist made contact with scorching iron.

"Krad—are you all right?" Dark asked, quickly walking over to the wincing blonde.

Krad nodded after setting the pie on the counter and began rubbing his arm slightly.

"Hey, pull up your sleeve—let me see it?" Dark asked, taking another step towards the blonde.

Krad's eyes widened slightly and he was unable to fight the gasp that burst from his throat. "No!" He said quickly, drawing the arm he still gingerly clutched away from Dark. He added. Swiftly, he added, trying to maintain his calm, "I mean, it's just fine—you don't need to look."

"Hell, Krad, are you sure? That looked like it hurt…"

"It's fine, Dark, just a little burn—honest!" Krad said, drawing away as Dark inched ever closer.

Dark paused, giving Krad a concerned look.

"I'm sure," the blonde lied, hoping—praying, rather, that Dark would give up his hopes of seeing the blonde's arm.

"Well…at least run it under some cold water, would you?" Dark insisted. "Here—you do that and I'll take this out to the table," He offered, nor really giving Krad much time to protest as he lifted the pie up carefully.

Krad nodded to Dark. "All right," he said, turning to the sink. The blonde waited for a long moment, until he heard Dark's footsteps grow quite distant before turning on the sink and running the water and peeling up his sleeve.

The violet haired teen had paused just outside the doorframe, and cast a peek over his shoulder towards the blonde. His eyes narrowed; out of the corner of his eyes he could have _sworn_ he saw something on the blonde's exposed forearms…

"Krad! Dark? What's taking so long in there, is everything all right?" Emiko shouted.

"Everything's fine in here," Krad called, and Dark made a quick turn, dashing back towards the dinner table.

Time inched slowly by for Dark, the next few hours, that little nagging voice ringing in the back of his mind whenever he saw Krad. Something just seemed…wrong. He couldn't quite place what it was, so instead he just masked his concern with a façade of cheer.

Currently, Emiko was picking at Krad for how little he had eaten, and he was just chuckling it off as he pulled on his coat.

"Nah, we're gonna head out now," Dark said, grinning.

"Oh…you're sure you two won't stay the night?" Emiko asked.

"Nah—Krad and I have plans," Dark announced, collecting his jacket as Krad gave him a curious glance, hissing, "We do?"

"Yeah," Dark whispered back to the blonde.

"Oh…" Emiko said, her cheerfulness dropping. It was back in an instant, though, "Well, be careful! They said they're going to post a curfew at six—they don't want anyone outside when this blizzard hits," she said, turning on the television.

"Blizzard?" Dark asked, pulling on his jacket and raising a brow.

"Dark, don't you watch the news?" Emiko asked, waving her finger in reprimand. "It's going to be horrible, they say, and so everyone has to be inside before it gets here! You boys do me a favor and be inside, I'd hate to hear something awful happened to you."

"Oh…damn. We'll have to hurry, then. What time is it?" Dark asked, scratching the back of his head.

"It's only five, just now. If you walk quick enough you can both probably get home before it hits…"

"Yeah…we'll do that. Thanks for everything—Happy Thanksgiving!" Dark said, pulling open the door.

"All right! You two be safe, now! And come back, anytime!" Emiko called as a chorus of 'goodbyes' were called out before the two teenagers departed into the cold.

They hadn't walked long before Krad asked, "So…what plans?"

Dark was quiet for a long moment before looking at Krad solemnly. "We need to talk."

"About what?" Krad asked, coolly, as the two continued to walk.

Dark sighed and shook his head, falling into a long lapse of silence.

Krad released a breath of warm air, watching it materialize into white fog before him. A second later he turned to his friend, "Dark? Is something bothering you?"

Dark seemed though he wasn't going to answer, but, in a fit of pent up anger and concern, he made a quick jerking motion and grabbed Krad's wrist.

"Dark—!" the blonde said quickly, in an attempt to pull away even as the violet haired male peeled up the other's sleeve, commenting rather coldly, "What have you been doing to yourself?"

His assumption had been correct—the blonde had many long, red and white streaks staining his arm. He fingered one of them as he waited for an answer.

Krad swallowed, wide eyed as his gaze move from Dark's accusing face to the scars on his bare arm and wrist. He opened his mouth to speak, but was frozen; no words seemed to come to him.

"Krad…what the _hell_ have you been doing to yourself?" Dark said as he raised his voice, jerking at Krad's arm slightly in an effort to force the blonde to look him in the eye.

Krad still said nothing and looked away, confused and ashamed. He closed his mouth, stunned. It seemed like he'd just been about to give up on anyone finding out about this, and yet—today of all days. He'd gotten cocky and just assumed no one ever would have found the hidden scars.

Dark frowned deeply, and regretfully drew his hand up, bringing it back against the blonde's pallid cheek. "_Tell me_!"

The blonde's face jerked back to Dark's, confusion written all over his face. Even as his face reddened from the impact, he could do little more than stare, dumbfounded, as the stinging intensified.

"Krad…" Dark warned, and when Krad still made no motion to reply, he slapped him again—harder this time.

The biting of the cold wind made Krad's eyes sting—he felt them gathering tears. When Krad remained silent for the third time, Dark raised his hand again.

A second before Dark's hand made contact with the blonde, Krad gathered what little control of himself as he could manage and simultaneously sniffled and screwed his eyes shut, awaiting the impact.

It never came.

Instead, Dark dropped his hand ,wrapping frigid arms around the shaking blonde, snow spiraling to the ground all around them.

"Krad…" he mumbled quietly, "why would you…_how_ could you…?"

Dark's embrace on the blonde didn't relax for a long time, but when it did, Krad's eyes remained downcast, his nose red from the cold. He was still suppressing the urge to break down in shame right in front of Dark; all these years he'd held a secret hope that someone would find out, though now that someone had he felt only regret. Yes, he'd know it was _wrong_, but…For Dark to be reacting this way, obviously it was worse than he'd ever thought. "I'm sorry…" he whispered, "So sorry…"

"Hey…" Dark said, giving the blonde a light tug towards his house. "Come on…we'll go inside and get warmed up…I don't want us to be out in a blizzard, so come on.."

Krad, his head still downcast, nodded slightly, and followed the violet haired male.

What seemed to be hours passed before the two arrived at Dark's unlit home. Silence lingered heavily in the air as Dark unlocked his door and pulled the blonde in inside him.

"Sit here," the younger said, gently sitting Krad down on the couch. "Do you want something to drink?" He asked, watching as Krad shook his head in a silent 'no'.

Dark sighed, sitting down next to the blonde. "Krad…?"

Said blonde remained as silent, in thought as before, barely even acknowledging that Dark had spoken.

Dark tried again.

Now, golden eyes turned up to regard Dark coldly.

…And Dark shuddered at the emptiness the gaze harbored. Had they always been that way…?

"Talk to me?" he begged, pulling off his wet jacket as he gave the blonde his best pleading look.

Krad looked away again, and Dark sighed. "Take off your jacket, at least. It's soaking," It wasn't a request, but a command, and Krad dully obliged. His movements were sluggish, almost, as if he was hesitant to make a wrong move in front of the other male.

"Now," Dark said as the blonde slowly dropped his jacket to the ground and took a seat again on the couch.

"Are you going to tell me _anything_?"

Krad narrowed his eyes as if weary, and mumbled, "There is nothing to say. You wouldn't understand."

"Try me."

Krad let out a sigh, "What do you want to know?"

Dark almost smiled—he hadn't thought the blonde was going to say anything. "Start with something easy. Like…how long ago? Did you start, I mean…"

"Years ago," Krad said with a shrug, "Eight."

Dark released a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding and frowned deeply. "Why?"

"It's…hard to explain, Dark," Krad said, his voice quieter…colder than before.

"Will you at least try?

Krad paused, initiating a long moment of silence before he nodded. "Yeah. I will."


	3. Chapter 3

**Drowning in Deception**

_The holidays are coming around, and it's all but pleasant for a certain blonde. When his little secret is accidentally discovered by his good friend, Dark, it seems the whole turns against him._

Chapter 3

...

Krad looked up at Dark with narrowed eyes. "You want to know why I do it? It's because I can't help it. It's like a drug, see…except it doesn't cost anything. It doesn't _hurt_ anyone. Not in the way that can kill you. It's…pleasant, almost. Refreshing. You don't know what it's like, and I have the keenest feeling that you'll never know," Krad said, his words flowing, suddenly. "You're not me."

Dark stared in horror at the blonde as he continued, "My life isn't traumatic. I'm not suffering from neglect or abuse. My father treats me just fine, so far as that goes. We don't talk much, but you know that. I get good grades. I have friends. I don't know why I do it. I'm _psychotic, _I think. It's a disease I've had for the longest time, and I don't know what to do."

The blonde wasn't sad, or upset, as he had been earlier. He was angry—angry with himself, and angry at the world.

"I _like _it. I'm an artist. I can't help it. My flesh is white. So very white. My blood is black.. I love it. It _thrills_ me. The pain is nothing compared to the pleasure it brings to my eyes. I don't feel it anymore."

"Krad…what's _wrong_ with you?"

Dark's mouth was agape with horror, and Krad paused, raising a brow at the male. "You asked. Did you want me to lie? Did you _want_ me to say 'I cut myself because I'm sad', or, 'nobody loves me', or 'because my life is so unfair'? Well, I'm not going to," Krad said with a sinister chuckle. There was a mad glint in his eyes. "I do it because I like how it _looks_. I do it because I _can_. It's my secret, my damned dirty little secret. And it took you eight years to find out. _Eight_! Can you imagine! That's half of my life, nearly. I thought we were friends."

Dark's face was still surprised. He had the blanket he was going to drape over Krad still clutched in his arms. "You're _mad_."

"Mad? You think this is _mad_? Insane? You think _I'm_ insane? Well, Dark, fine. If that's how it is, then _yes_. I am, no doubt about it, completely out of my mind. I don't deny it. I'm not normal!" The blonde grinned, now, in a mocking cat-like manner. "What will you do?"

"I'll tell you, I think you need your rest! This weather is getting to you," Dark mumbled, pressing the back of his hand against Krad's forehead. The blonde tapped it away before a look of boredom crossed his features. His zeal diminished once he realized that Dark wasn't responding to his hysterics, and he rolled down the sleeves of his shirt.

"It's very cold in here, Dark," he said, and Dark cast him a wary glance. While he might have held some doubt for at least some of Krad's words, he wondered worriedly how much of what he'd been told had been true. When he felt like he was being attacked, Krad ha a tendency to lash out with heavy sarcasm, but even Dark had a hard time following his recent explanation.

"Is there anything else you're not telling me?" the violet haired teenager asked gently, earning a harsh glare from the blonde.

"Probably. We all have our secrets," the blonde snarled. Dark might have been taken back, had he not been used to the blonde's ferocious counters. It always happened like this. When Krad was uncomfortable, he was vicious. When he was backed into a corner, he fought. Dark had him backed into a corner.

The blonde was more unsettled than he appeared. Behind his now frozen over eyes, Dark could almost _feel_ the turmoil leaking from him.

"We do," Dark admitted, draping the blanket over the blonde, who refused to meet his gaze. "But you're secrets are hurting you."

"I told you, I don't hurt myself," Krad snapped, drawing the blanket over him. "I don't feel a thing."

"That's what's worrying me," Dark hissed. "I'm going to get you help."

Krad's eyes shot over to Dark. His eyes were wide, his pupils narrowed. "Excuse me…?"

"You heard me. I'm going to talk to someone. I'll tell your father. He'll take care of you."

Krad stared, dumbstruck. "You can't do that."

"I can. And I'm going to. You _need_ help."

"Why?" Krad questioned. "There's nothing wrong with me."

Dark shook his head. "Krad, there is _definitely_ something wrong with you."

The blonde looked hurt, his brows furrowing in confusion. He would have said something had his adrenaline not rushed out of his veins, that instant. "But…"

"No buts. In fact, I'm going to call him right now. And he can come pick you up," Dark said, rising from the couch. Krad shot up after him.

"No, you can't! He's in one of his meetings. He'll have a fit!"

"I don't care. Somebody has to do something!"

Dark was almost in the kitchen when Krad tackled him from behind. The two fell in a heap on the floor, Krad pinning Dark beneath him. "_No_. _Nobody_ has to do _anything_. Things are fine the way they are!"

"No they aren't!" Dark said, struggling beneath the slimmer boy. "I'm calling him, and he's going to come pick you up, _right now_."

"Is that how it is?" Krad snapped. "Am I so repulsive to you that you're _throwing_ me out?"

"_Yes_!"

Krad froze, and slowly released his grip on Dark. The boy kicked out from under him and made a dash for the kitchen. He picked up the phone, and Krad could dimly make out the beeping of buttons being pressed. Dark was talking, "Hello, this is an emergency for Kei Hiwatari. It's about one of his sons. Krad."

There was a long pause before Dark started talking again. "I'm terribly sorry, sir, but I really think you need to talk to your son. I understand you're in an important meeting. Yes, sir, I wouldn't have called unless this was an emergency. Oh, right. Krad's been—"

The blonde jumped to his feet and dashed towards the kitchen. "No!" He cried.

"—cutting himself, sir."


	4. Chapter 4

**Drowning in Deception**

_The holidays are coming around, and it's all but pleasant for a certain blonde. When his little secret is accidentally discovered by his good friend, Dark, it seems the whole turns against him._

Chapter 4

...

Krad sat, as bored as ever in the tiny office. He was a tad bit uncomfortable, though it was anger that served as his more prominent emotion. He tapped the tip of his pencil on the sketchbook he held in his lap, unable to draw. Four hours of it, already, was more than enough.

The boy groaned and shifted positions, laying the pencil down. This…sucked. He closed his eyes, wearily, and decided that as long as he still had a few hours before his appointment, why not sleep a bit? That would certainly make up for all those hours he had spent fretting, last night.

_Kei had been very unpleased, to say the least, when he heard of his son. At first he thought it might have just been a joke, and he had decided to finish the meeting. But then the anxiety came…he left, early, and was at Dark's house right around nine o'clock; even the predicted blizzard hadn't been enough to stop him. Few words were spoken; Kei had come in, gave Krad a dirty look. _

_"Let me see," he said. _

_Krad looked at his father for a moment before releasing a scowl; furiously, then, he drew up both his sleeves and presented his scarred arms to his father. _

_Kei's nostrils had flared, and he glared at his eldest son. He reached out a hand and, gripping him by the wrist, tugged him from his seat on the couch. "Let's go." _

_Kei slipped through the door, though Krad lingered for just a moment. The blonde tossed a quick look to Dark, though the friend wouldn't meet his gaze. Krad couldn't help but feel guilty as he closed the door behind him. _

_In the car, no words had been spoken. When they reached their own house, still no words. Krad had darted upstairs and slipped into his pajamas. He turned off the light and prepared to close his door (as he always did before sleeping) when his father appeared in the doorway. _

_"Don't close your door." _

_Krad raised a brow. "Why not?" _

_"I don't trust you. It will stay open, from now on." _

_The blonde rolled his eyes and stormed over to his bed, dropping atop the mattress, angrily. _

_"Make sure you're up by eight," Kei said. _

_"Why? There's no school tomorrow." _

_Kei said only, "You've got an appointment tomorrow." _

And, so, here he was. And here he _had_ been since nine this morning.

_Krad, at his father bidding, grudgingly awoke at eight. Krad had decided that he wasn't even going to bother setting his alarm clock; to hell with an appointment—he didn't care. _

_Kei, of course, had other plans, and woke the blonde up, himself. Angrily, Krad had asked, "Where are we going?" _

_"I've hired a psychiatrist. Make sure you bring something to keep yourself busy; you'll be there all day" _

_Krad raised a brow. "What?" _

_His father shook his head. "I can't leave you alone, so I'm having you stay there. There's a woman there that'll keep an eye on you until I can come pick you up at six." _

_Krad let out a silent groan. "And when is my appointment?" _

_"Four." _

_The blonde's eyes narrowed. "I'm going to be there for __**nine**__ hours?" _

_"If that's what it takes, then yes. I've also scheduled you an appointment every day after school at four for the next two weeks. Saturday's will be like this, and Sunday's you'll have to come to work with me." _

_"Dad!" _

_Kei growled. "__**What**__?" _

_"_Why_? I don't need someone to __**baby-sit**__ me!" _

_"Well __**I**__ think you do, because _clearly_ you're not responsible enough to take care of yourself." _

_"Yeah, well, there have been times when you've failed to take care of me! If I'm wrong, wasn't there a certain incident a few years back? Right before mom died?" _

_"Krad, shut up!" _

_Kei stormed out of his son's room, and Krad was left alone. He rolled his eyes and changed. At eight thirty, his father returned. "You're ready?" _

_"Yeah, yeah." _

_On their way out, Krad grabbed a few pencils and a sketchbook. _

_The car ride had been almost as silent as the one from the night before, and Krad felt an urge to break the silence..."What about Satoshi?" _

_"Satoshi is fine on his own." _

_"I'm not going with you." _

_Kei's eyes narrowed. "__**Excuse**__ me?" _

_Kei turned into a parking lot and parked the car in front of a building. _

_"I'm. Not. Going. What do you think I'm going to do, __**cut**__ myself __**all day long**__? That's __**ridiculous**__." _

_Kei glared at his son. "I'll be late for my meeting if we take any longer." _

_Angrily, Krad shot up out of the car seat and slammed the car door behind him. He could feel his father's gaze on him even as he entered the building. Krad couldn't help but slam the door shut behind him. A girl squeaked from the front desk, shocked by the noise. _

_"I'm sorry," Krad said, hastily, as the girl calmed herself down. _

_The girl gave a nod. "Oh, it's okay. You're here for an appointment…?" _

_"Yes." _

_"What's your name?" _

_"Krad Hikari__ begin_of_the_skype_highlightingend_of_the_skype_highlighting__." _

_The woman's eyes rolled over a schedule, and hesitantly, she said, "Er…Sir, you appointment isn't until four." _

_"I know." _

_"Oh…did you need something, then? To reschedule?" _

_"No." _

_The girl was clearly confused. "Then…why are you here so early?" _

_"My __**father**__ doesn't think I'm trustworthy enough to stay home by myself."_

_The girl shifted a bit behind the counter. "Oh, well if that's the case, the waiting room his right over there." She pointed towards a heavy wooden door. "Right through there." _

_Krad gave a nod and walked, boredly, though the door. Inside the room were four chairs, a small desk, and a clock. There wasn't a window, Krad noted dully, only walls with a peculiar spatter design. He took a seat and let out a sigh before flipping open his sketchbook. _

Krad looked up at the clock, releasing a yawn as he rubbed his eyes. He stretched a bit in his seat, standing for a moment to ease his sore back.

He looked at the clock again.

It was still three thirty.

The blonde sank back down into his seat, huffily, and reached for his pencil, very unhappy to find that there wasn't a bit of a tip, left. He shoved it back into his pocket, and boredly opened the book, flipping through the pictures.

Today, he had managed to draw several images: A layout of the room, the face of a woman he couldn't name, his house, Dark.

Krad snapped the thing closed. Rage bubbled in his blood and he set the book down on the ground before reaching over to pick up a novel that had been carelessly discarded. He had no idea what the title was, or what the novel was about, but he managed to make it nearly halfway through the book when a woman from a door different than that which he had entered from opened. An older woman stepped out of the door and into the room with a small smile on her face. "Are you Krad?"

The blonde nodded.

"All right. It's four. Would you like to come in?"

Krad looked at the woman for a long moment, unsettled by her grin, before he shrugged and picked up his sketchbook, rising from the seat. He set the book down carefully on the table before following the woman into her office.

She took a seat behind a desk, gesturing for Krad to relax himself on a sofa. The teenager did so, crossing his arms and resting them above his knees as he watched the woman scribble something down on a sheet of paper. She looked up. "Do you know why you're here?"

Krad rolled his eyes. "_No_," he said, unable to refrain from his sarcastic nature.

"You're father said you have an obsession with cutting yourself."

"No, I don't."

The woman frowned. "Would you mind showing me your arms?"

"Yes, in fact," Krad said, slightly agitated, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"But, dear, why won't you show me your arms if you don't have an obsession with cutting? If that's the case, you surely wouldn't have any marks, so what's wrong?"

"I didn't say I didn't cut myself, I said I don't have an obsession. It's not like I run home and cut myself every night."

The woman nodded. "I understand. May I see your arms?"

"No."

"Why not?"

Krad raised a brow. "What are you supposed to be doing? Messing with my mind, right? What does seeing my arms have to do with anything?"

"It's important," the woman urged.

Krad rolled his eyes and jerked up his sleeves, "_Here_, then, if it's _so_ important."

The woman looked over his arms for a moment, nodded, then scribbled some more things down. "Thank you."

Krad drew his sleeves back down. It was silent for a moment as the woman finished writing, then raised her gaze to look Krad in the eyes.

"What?" The blonde couldn't help but growl.

"Would you like to talk?"

"No."

"Won't you, please? Tell me about yourself."

Krad sighed. "What do you want to know?"

"Well, why don't we start with your family and friends? Tell me about them."

The blonde snorted. "My mother's dead, my little brother's a know it all, and my father's always busy with work. Right now, my best friend isn't interested in even looking at me."

The woman gave a sympathetic smile that made Krad even more upset than he had been, earlier. "I see," she said in her sugar-sweet voice, "How did your mother pass away?"

"Car accident."

"Tell me about your brother."

Krad was bored again. Eventually, everything always let up to his perfect little brother. "Satoshi. He's fourteen years old, finished university, already, and still goes to high school. He's a prodigy, great at everything—music, art, school."

"You sound jealous."

Krad shook his head. "No. Irritated."

"And why is that?"

Krad looked up, spitefully. "Because I don't want to be here, and because I've had to sit out in the waiting room for the past seven hours because my father doesn't trust me home alone."

The woman tapped her pen against the wooden desk. "Tell me, Krad, do you consider yourself to be a good kid?"

The male paused for a moment. "Sure. I listen to my father; I do my work. I get decent grades at school. I don't do anything…_wrong_."

"So why cut?"

The blonde groaned and leaned forward, resting his forehead in the palm of his hand. "Because it fascinates me."

"How is that? Do you like the pain?"

"It's not like that at all. This has nothing to do with the pain."

"Then _why_?"

Something snapped inside of Krad. "Because I _can_!" He shouted.

The woman was slightly startled. Krad continued after a pause, much calmer, "I have moments in my life where I feel like crap, sure. There are times when everything seems pointless, and when I think living is idiotic, but _no_. I don't cut myself _then_. That's not the case, anymore. Now I do it because it's become a game. The first time it happened? It was an accident. Back then, I used to do it just because I liked how it looked. Would you like to know why I continued to do it?"

The woman shook her head, and Krad gave a sad little laugh, "I wanted to see how long it would take someone to notice. Would you like to know how long?" he didn't wait for an answer, "It took eight years. Eight _damn_ years."

He paused again before continuing. "My father is always at work. He hardly ever spends time with Satoshi and I. Satoshi, he takes out every now and then. Satoshi's the good son. Satoshi deserves to be rewarded, naturally, so he pampers my little brother. Constantly. He doesn't know how to act around me, so he showers all his love on Satoshi. We have dinner together, most nights. I don't think my father likes to see me, though. I've got my mother's face. Her eyes. Often when he looks at me, I can see the pain I bring him. I guess he only sees my mother when he looks at me. I don't remember much of my childhood. There are very little memories of her on my part. Satoshi's got her personality, I'm told. Maybe that's why my father prefers his company. I guess my father loves me, but the whole thing is such a burden, anyway."

Finally, the woman spoke. "I…see."

"Do you think I'm crazy for what I've said?" Krad asked, suddenly.

"Do you think you're crazy?"

Krad paused. "I'm not answering that."

The woman nodded, ferociously jotting down notes. Krad waited in silence until the woman spoke again. "What's that you've got with you? Do you draw?"

The blonde shrugged, "When I can."

"May I see?"

"Whatever." Krad rose from his seat, lazily, handing the woman the sketchbook. She flipped through it, her eyes tracing the images. She didn't hide her surprise, "These are good!" She flipped through a few more pictures then stopped at one in particular. She stared at this one for a long moment and then flipped the book to face Krad, so he could see the image. "Who is this one?"

Krad's eyes narrowed. "That would be Dark. The best friend I told you of. The best friend that betrayed me."

The woman set the sketchpad down. "Betrayed?"

"It's his fault I'm here. He ratted me out. And now he won't even look at me."

"But you're not glad he's trying to help you?"

"Help?" Krad sat up, leaning forward a bit. "What do I need help with?"

"For your cutting problem. So we can get you to quit."

"I don't need help. I don't have a problem!"

The woman shook her head. "Krad, cutting _is_ a problem."

"But I haven't done that in months!"

"But I noticed a fresh cut on your arm."

"_That_ was an accident," Krad hissed. True enough, though, it had been an accident.

"And the burn mark? Did you do that to yourself, too?"

"_No_."

"Well, who did? Does your father abuse you?"

"_No_! It was a damned _accident_! I went to get something out of the oven and my hand slipped."

"…Of course." The woman was writing again.

"…You don't believe me."

The woman raised a brow. "I never said that."

"But I can tell by the way you were just looking at me."

The female smiled. "It was lovely meeting you, Krad. I'll see you again on Monday."

Krad blinked. "What?"

"Our session is over. Here's your art book. I'm…going to prescribe you for a few medications. I've written the list down, here, so give it to your father."

Krad took his book and the list of paper the woman handed him, scanning over the names of the products. "What do I need medications for?"

"They'll help you with your problem."

"_What_ problem? There's nothing wrong with me."

The woman stared for a long moment at Krad, and the male eventually sighed. His shoulders slumped a bit, from fatigue or surrender, neither knew. He muttered a small, "Thanks," as he left the office and sank back down into the chair he'd been in earlier.

The clock read ten after six, and so Krad tapped his foot boredly as he waited for his father to show up. He waited until six thirty. Until seven. Seven thirty flew by.

Kei had still not shown up. Come to think of it, no one else had, either. The blonde had been alone in this office all day, and not a _single_ person had been in aside from himself.

Seven forty five rolled around, and the door in front of him opened. Out from her office came the middle-aged woman, patting down her braided brown hair. A look of surprise crossed her features as she glanced at Krad who sat, chin resting in his palm, cross-legged in one of the black chairs. "Didn't you want to go home?" She asked when the boy opened his eyes to look at her.

"I'm waiting," he offered.

"Waiting?"

"For my father."

"Oh. When is he supposed to come?" She asked, glancing up at the clock.

"He was supposed to be here at six," the blonde said, quietly.

"Then you're been here all day…?"

Krad nodded.

"…Good night, Krad."

"Goodnight."

She left, dusting herself off as she walked across the room and passed through the door leading to the front office. For fifteen more minutes did Krad wait before finally, at eight o clock, he finally gave up and rose from his chair. He picked up his belongings and stepped into the front office. For the second time that day, he startled the young woman working there.

"Oh!" She explained, "I didn't know anyone was still here!"

Krad shrugged. "Sorry. Goodnight."

He left the little building feeling very upset. He hadn't the slightest notion as to why Kei hadn't shown up, and for the longest time he feared that something might have happened to his father. He quickly got aboard the next bus heading towards his house, and rode as far as it would go, stopping only a few blocks away from his house.

He would have to walk the rest of the way, but Krad really didn't mind. Unfortunately, however, having not eaten all day left him slightly disoriented, so he stopped at a fast food restaurant before starting the trek home.

Fifteen minutes it took him, though when he arrived in his driveway, he'd almost wished it had taken twice as long. Kei's car was parked, as it always was, in the driveway. The trashcans had been set outside, and the mail taken in.

Curious, Krad discarded the trash left over from his meal and stepped inside his house. His father was reclining in the living room, reading the newspaper. The television was on, though it seemed that Kei was much more focused on the paper in his hands. He didn't look up at his son when he asked, "Why are you home so late?"

"Because you forgot to pick me up, I suppose."

Kei feigned no interest and the sarcasm was heavy in his voice. "Forgot? Did I?"

The blonde glared at his father for a long moment, before storming upstairs.

From below, Kei called, "We need to talk."

Krad rolled his eyes as he hastened up the stairs. Dropping into his room, the blonde selected a clean outfit and slipped into the bathroom, where he took a most relaxing shower. He dried his hair, brushed it, and slipped into his new clothes. From out of the pocket of his jacket, however, fell the tiny, crumpled paper that woman from earlier gave him. He leaned down and opened it, glaring at the paper.

That woman. That _woman_. What was her name, anyway? He'd never asked. He didn't supposed he really cared; he hadn't liked her at all.

Finally, he opened the door to the bathroom, startled to find his father standing right in front of him. "Let me see."

"See what?"

Kei frowned. "Let me see your arms."

Krad's face split into a scowl and he shoved past his father, pushing the paper into the other's hands. "There. She said to give that to you," he spat, disappearing into his room, where he threw his clothes into the laundry basket and slammed the door to his room shut behind him. He snapped off the lights and toppled atop his bed, burying his face in his pillows.

That night was the first time he'd cried—_sobbed_—since he found out his mother had died. Silent were his tears; he didn't know where he learned to cry without a voice. He fell asleep, only his sorrow at his side.


	5. Chapter 5

**Drowning in Deception**

_The holidays are coming around, and it's all but pleasant for a certain blonde. When his little secret is accidentally discovered by his good friend, Dark, it seems the whole turns against him._

Chapter 5

...

He couldn't remember falling asleep; he couldn't remember sleeping or dreaming and only knew that his father was suddenly shouting at him. "I said to leave the damn door open, Krad, don't you listen to a thing I say?"

He hadn't even had time to open his red-rimmed eyes before the onslaught of words continued, "How am I suppose to trust you if you don't even listen? Look, you were supposed to be awake half an hour ago, get you're ass out of bed and get dressed!"

Krad pried his eyes open only now and looked up at his father, groggy from sleepy and uncomprehending what was being said to him until a good few seconds later when his father was again screaming for him to hurry up.

Kei was already in his business suit, gesturing angrily. When Krad stood up and walked to his closet, drawing out a shirt and slacks without even looking at them. Eyes half-lidded and marked with the signs of sleep, he began to remove his shirt only to pause when he realized his father was still in the room, staring at him with an icy expression.

"I'm getting dressed," Krad said slowly, trying to blink and regain his vision.

"What's taking you so long? I said we're in a hurry."

"…I'm getting dressed," he repeated. "…So, you can leave, now."

Kei shook his head. "Leave this door open," he said as he turned to walk away.

Krad faltered only then. "Wait, but I'm getting dressed, what if—"

"I told you, you are not trusted," Kei stated firmly. "I'll be taking the door down as soon as I get home today. I forbid you from being aloe in any room with the door closed."

Fighting for words, none in his defense came. "What if I'm going to the bathroom? Or taking a shower?"

"Don't test your luck. You've got five minutes in there and then I'll break down the door."

Krad stared at his father, still stuck on the extreme measures. "_Dad_!" he tried to argue, only to be interrupted again. "You have ten minutes to get downstairs or I'll drag you down." He turned angrily and stormed out of the room.

Not wasting any time, and not daring to tempt his father, already in a bad mood, Krad just changed with the door open. He went into the bathroom, then and tended to his morning routine, hastening to brush his hair. When he stomped down the stairs in an attempt to express his anger, he was paid no attention. When he walked through the living room, he looked at Satoshi, who was poking at his bowl of cereal with a dazed expression.

"Hi, Satoshi," he said, needing someone to acknowledge him or say, 'Oh, _hello_, Krad. _Good morning_, Krad.'

Even with Satoshi's low blood pressure, the response was not what he expected. Satoshi's ice blue eyes lifted from the cereal and gazed at him coldly. He said absolutely nothing and the expression went straight to Krad's heart, chilling is bones.

Well, that was a bad idea. Fine. Ignore him. Whatever.

He resumed stomping through the house, picking up some things to do. He was intent on throwing a fit, yelling, acting ridiculous in front of all of his father's clients. Yeah, that would teach him a lesson. He had a sense of smugness about his plans until he realized that it wasn't going to do anything but make him seem childish. The anger passed and was replaced with a glum disposition that only got worse when Kei appeared before him and demanded to see his wrists.

"Dad," he tried in a lame defense, but Kei wouldn't listen and instead reached out and gripped the male's wrist, tugging up the sleeve and looking over the arm. When he was finished with the first one, he moved onto the second.

Krad didn't bother fighting, he just sighed.

"It's been ten minutes. We're leaving now," he said, examining his watch. "We're going to pick up your medication on the way over. Did you eat?"

"I haven't had time, I just finished—"

"Go grab a granola bar. Bring money for lunch and then settle your ass in the car."

His head hung, he did as he was told; when he got into the front seat, his father waited for him to buckle and then took off. The drive was awkward and quiet; even if Krad had wanted to say something, no words came. He hadn't forgiven his father for the previous night and apparently Kei still thought he was too good to talk to him.

It took half an hour before Krad finally decided to say _something_. "…Do you hate me?"

Kei didn't immediately answer, which surprised Krad and even hurt his feelings, some. He watched as the clock in the car ticked by. Fifty four seconds through and he gave up expecting an answer; he turned away and looked out the window.

"I don't hate you," Kei said, tone sharp. It almost made Krad think that he was just lying so he didn't seem so awful. "…I just think you're a stupid boy and can't see how I raised someone to be such an idiot."

Krad released a pained breath. "…Thanks, Dad. Your support in all this is really helping."

To this, Kei said nothing. If the silence had been awkward before, this was just plain ridiculous. They pulled over in front of a drug store and Kei exited, returning a few minutes later and tossing an orange bottle into Krad's hands. "Two pills. Take them. I want to see that you do it. When you're done, give the bottle back. I don't want you trying to overdose."

Krad tried to read the label but was more disturbed by his father's comment. "You think I want to kill myself?" he asked skeptically.

"You were cutting yourself, weren't you?"

"Not to kill myself!"

"Well then, what _other_ reason is there?" Kei asked, never taking his eyes off the road as he pulled out of the parking lot.

"Well, maybe you'd know if you _asked_ me about it!"

"Shut up and take the damn pills before I lose my temper. I've got a very busy meeting today and I need to stay collected if I'm going to succeed with this pitch."

"Oh, _great_, Dad. You've surpassed my expectations, _yet again_! Good to know your job is more important that me!"

"Watch your tone," Kei hissed.

"Or what?" Krad challenged.

"Or _else_."

It could mean a hundred things, a thousand. Krad wasn't stopping. "Or you'll…ground me? Lock me in my room? Take away my allowance? Yell at me? What could you do that you _haven't_ already done!"

"Krad, don't you _dare_ do this right now. Shut your mouth. We'll talk later."

"You _always_ say we'll talk later! You don't ever talk to me. _Never_!"

"Because you're an ignorant, childish, _stupid_ boy! I wish I could just get _rid_ of you, you damned _problem_ child! Why can't you be more like Satoshi, huh? He's perfect, so why are _you_ so screwed up?"

Krad stared at his father for a few seconds, just stunned. The words hit him, hard, and it was nearly half a minute later when he blinked again and realized just how much moisture had collected. If Kei had been aiming to shut him up, it worked. He looked out the window of the car and swallowed, blinking away the tears.

Not another word was spoken for the duration of the ride. They pulled into the parking lot and exited the car; Krad followed silently after his father, who didn't so much as glance back at him. They walked through the large corporate building and rode up the elevator to the fourteenth floor, in which Kei looked at his watch and stated, "Towa," his secretary, "I'm leaving Krad here with you. Do you think you can manage him? He's going to go sit in the office with the door open. Just pop in and check up on him. I'll be back from the meeting in, oh, hopefully a few hours."

Towa's bright green eyes were acute and calculating; she smiled and said in a sugary sweet voice, "Will do. Good luck in there, boss."

He smiled at her. Before he could tell Krad to get a move on, the blonde walked into the office and propped the door open. He didn't look at his father, but walked into the room and set his things down on the floor next to the couch. Wearing a stoic expression, he curled up with his face into the back of the couch and squeezed his eyes closed.

Perhaps Kei would have chosen to stay and linger, though he couldn't think of anything to say to his son. His walk to the conference room was brisk and, lost in his thoughts, he only very narrowly avoided crashing into a coworker. "Whoa, there. You all right?"

It took a few seconds for Kei to recognize the person; the scraggly chestnut hear and well placed smile were a dead giveaway when his mind returned to him. "Mister Niwa," he said casually. "Yes, I'm fine."

"…Kei," Kosuke began, "We've been on a first-name basis for the past six years. Mister Niwa, come on. That's way too formal. What's on your mind?"

They weren't friends at all, but it seemed that they had a habit of always being there fore one another when things got sour. When Emiko had been sick in the hospital, Kei had offered to watch Dark and Daisuke while Kosuke stayed with his wife. Whenever he had a long business trip or just needed some time off, Kosuke offered to watch Krad and Satoshi. In a sense, a distant sense, they were each surrogate fathers to the other's children. It helped that their sons were close friends.

"…You caught me," he said, adjusting the glasses on his face. "…I've got a lot on my mind."

Kosuke's hand on his shoulder was almost reassuring. "…Is something wrong?"

He sighed heavily. "Worse than wrong."

Concern was written all over the male's face. "What is it?"

Initially, Kei shook his head, though it wasn't until Kosuke drew him into an unused conference room and looked him in the eye. "What is it?" he repeated.

"It's nothing," he said, shaking his head.

"Kei," Kosuke tilted his head just to the side a bit. "…Please."

He sighed heavily. "…It's Krad," he finally mumbled.

Instantly, Kosuke was asking, "Is he all right? –Is everything okay?"

"No. No, it's not okay," he muttered. "…The boy's out of his mind."

"What happened?"

Again, the sincere worry. Kei was compelled to answer; you just couldn't say no to a Niwa. "He's been self-mutilating. For years, now. I'm taking him to a psychiatrist, he's in my office, now."

He gave it some time to sink in, and sure enough, Kosuke was offering his sympathies and reassuring the male that things were going to be all right. "It's going to be okay," he promised. "—Are you going to be okay?"

"I don't know," Kei said, brushing his fingers through his hair. "I don't know what to do. It's all a blur. I can't even describe it. I don't want him to hurt himself again. I'm mad at him, I'm upset. I'm afraid."

Kosuke nodded sympathetically. "It's going to be fine. You're getting him help. You don't have to be alone for it all, why don't you and the family come over for dinner?"

Kei opened his mouth to accept and then sighed. "I can't. I'm busy."

"Ah. Work," Kosuke nodded slightly. "…All right." He sounded uncertain. "…If it gets too stressful and you need a night alone, send the boys over. I'm sure mine will be good for them, you know how close they are."

"…Maybe. Krad needs someone to keep an eye on him," Kei said, glancing out the window.

"Hey, come on. He's not a felon. He's your son and a good kid just going through a hard time, I'm sure. Take it easy on him."

"Take it easy? Take it _easy_? He's my son and he's suicidal, how does anyone _take it easy_?"

Kosuke's mouth closed at the tone and he took a moment to let Kei calm down before he said, "I know you're upset, but family is still family. Let him know you love him and that you're going to be there for him, just like always."

Guilt washed over Kei and he said with a gruff sadness, "That's the problem. I've never been there for him."

"Kei, that isn't true," he murmured. "You're a good father. Busy, but a good father…Just look at Satoshi, he's doing so good for himself. Krad just…he took her death a little harder…He's a little older. There's an explanation."

"It's me," Kei said, eyes drifting away. "…I'm not there for him. I don't know how to be. He just…he looks so much like her, it's hard. It's hard to see him and wish she were still here. It's hard to look at him and see only his mistakes and her gifts. It's hard to think that I got _him_ instead of _her_."

"Kei. Maybe you should take the day off. Go home, rest up…"

"No," his voice was cold. "…Today's too important to miss."

"Kei," Kosuke tried again. "What's more important, your work or your son? Your job or your family?"

Kei stared at him and shook his head, not answering.

"…If you need a friend, you have my number," Kosuke murmured; he shook his head and sighed. "…Don't give up on him. And try to support him, even if you don't believe in what he's done. I know you'll do the right thing."

He left on that note, closing the door to the conference room behind him, leaving Kei to think in silence. He didn't go too far, but waited just down the hallway.

It didn't take Kei too terribly long to make his decision; he stared at the mahogany table as he rolled over the options in his mind.

Work…work was everything to him. He could cling to it, take his mind off of everything. He was good at work. He had friends, made money, always knew what to do and always did it well.

Family…was, in a different sense, everything to him. He was always thinking about them, either praising Satoshi or chastising Krad, or worrying about him. He never knew what to do and always felt like he was still fighting a losing battle.

His cell phone vibrated in his pocket and he drew it out, scanning over the email he'd been sent on his blackberry. He didn't bother replying, he just tucked it away in his pocket, smoothed out his vest, and walked out of the room. He went straight for the conference room where the meeting was to take place. He smiled broadly when he entered, "Gentleman. Let's begin."

The door closed in a resound fashion behind him, and Kosuke shook his head. He sighed and walked back to his desk, severely disappointed. It wasn't until his lunch break that he went to Kei's office and poked his head in; Krad had yet to move.

In a way, it broke his heart to see the blonde in such a fine little mess, curled up on the couch and clutching a pillow. It might have been just a play of the light or his imagination, but it almost looked like Krad was shaking. Crying?

He'd known him since he was three feet tall; Krad was family in his heart, and he couldn't help but feel a sympathetic pull. He knocked on the door. "Hey, there," he greeted, feeling a little guilty when Krad jumped up and turned to look at him with wide eyes. "Mister Niwa," he said, wiping at his eyes.

"Hey there, Krad." Kosuke smiled his warm, fatherly smile. "Mind if I come in?"

"No, it's fine. It's my dad's office…"

"I know," Kosuke replied. He moved to enter the room, kicking the stopper than held the door open.

From her desk, Towa called, "Ah, Sir? The door's supposed to stay—"

"Ah, it's fine, don't worry about it." He winked at her and the girl fell quiet; she couldn't resist his kindly charms. He closed the door behind him and entered. "Mind if I take a seat?" he asked, gesturing towards a spot next to Krad on the couch.

"…No," the male answered suspiciously, scooting over.

"Thank you. How are you doing?"

"…I've been better."

Kosuke nestled himself into the couch. "I can imagine. How are you holding up?"

Krad looked at him, torn between wiping his eyes and drawing attention to the moisture that had since gathered and ignoring the liquid, hoping it wouldn't just keep gathering in the corners of his eyes. "What?"

"Your father and I were talking and—no, no, don't make that face," he smiled gently. "It's okay. Don't be upset. It wasn't anything bad. I just wanted to see how you were doing, okay?"

The blonde just stared. He seemed so confused. His silence didn't seem to phase Kosuke, who asked, looking at the clock on the wall. "I've got forty five minutes before I have to get back to work. Want to go grab a bite with me?"

"I'm not supposed to leave," he said slowly.

"Oh, your dad isn't going to mind. Besides, you'll be with me the whole time. I'll watch out for you," he winked.

…He was starving. Yeah, it sounded like a good deal. "…Yes, sir, thank you."

"No need to be so formal, Krad. We're practically family," he said, wrapping an arm around the boy's shoulders and helping him to his feet.

For that brief moment of time, Krad was able to relax. He was able to smile and able to pretend like things were normal. Kosuke even managed to make him feel better about everything. When Kosuke drove him back to the building, he reminded Krad that he could call if he ever needed someone to talk to. It was almost enough to make Krad want to cry for a _good_ reason. When he thanked Kosuke, it was with all of his heart.

The older male dropped him off at his father's office and waved goodbye; less than half an hour later, Kei entered with a sour expression.

Krad didn't even bother looking up at him; he had decided he was just going to ignore him. Maybe not mature, but in his eyes, he wasn't the only 'immature' one.

"Pack up. We're going."

He didn't need to be told twice; he picked up his bag, unopened, and walked out of the room. While Kei locked up, Towa inquired about the meeting; from their conversation Krad inferred that it had not gone as well as planned and they were going to have to settle for less. Oh, well. It wasn't like they weren't making millions of dollars monthly.

Kei walked at a brisk pace; it surprised Krad that his father didn't even look back at him. He almost started the car and drove off without him in it. When they got to the house, he was told, "Go to your room."

"But I haven't done anything wrong, even," he argued.

"I don't feel like dealing with you, Krad. Go upstairs."

"…_Dealing_ with me?" Krad asked slowly, glancing up at his father. "…_Dealing_?"

"Yes, Krad, dealing. Now, please. Go up to your room. Don't make me yell."

He stared for a few seconds more. "…Hey. Dad." He faced him. "…Thanks."

The statement took Kei by surprise. "…For what?"

"For being such a great dad."

He stared suspiciously at his son; before he could make some snappy retort, Krad went on to say, "I mean, with such a great dad always paying attention to me and loving me and taking care of me, I should really be something better. It's too bad I'm not like Satoshi. Wish I was smart and talented and perfect."

"Krad—"

The male cut him off, "Wish I had a father who would take me to museums and to see fancy schools and to buy me all sorts of painting supplies, and to tell me how perfect and wonderful I was and to tell me I was his favorite son. Or to tuck me in at night, or to make me dinner or to just _spend time with me_ or say he _loved_ me!" He was shouting, now.

It wasn't soothing Kei in the slightest. "Krad," he warned again.

"What, are you going to tell me you want to talk, what, _later_? Because, dad, sometimes I wonder if there _will_ be a later!"

Kei's eyes narrowed. "Just what the hell are you saying?"

"I'm saying I wish you weren't my dad every damn bit as much as you wish I wasn't your son!"

He hadn't been expecting it, but since when had he been expecting any of this. Kei's lip twitched into a sneer. "You're just digging yourself a deeper hole, son, so I suggest you shut up and _go_ to your damn _room_!"

Krad stared. "…You set a great example, dad. Maybe tonight while you're having dinner with _perfect_ Satoshi you can ask _him_ why I cut myself, since he knows _everything_."

Kei was advancing on him like a lion about to make it's kill; Krad never gave him the chance. He heaved up his bag and stormed out of the room, running up the stairs and slamming the door to his room shut behind him. He locked it and, in a rush of adrenaline and emotions, he began packing a bag. Nothing too big, just something he could carry with him. He shoved in his clothes and a few choice belongings before he lifted that, his school bag, and his bag from earlier. He unlocked the window and, just as he heard his father stomping up the steps, drew in a deep breath and stepped onto the railing.

When the banging on the door started, he squeezed his eyes closed and tried to calm himself. He could hear Kei yelling, but the words just blurred together as he jumped out onto the tree branch, very narrowly falling off. It took great dexterity, but when he heard his father jiggling the handle of the door, still screaming, and then throwing his body at the wooden barrier, he hastened down the tree and ran. He ran until he'd worn himself out, until it was dark, until he realized that he'd stopped running and was now standing on the doorstep of the Niwa home.

When he blinked, he realized that he'd already rung the doorbell and that someone was already answering the door.

It was too late to start running again.


	6. Chapter 6

**Drowning in Deception**

_The holidays are coming around, and it's all but pleasant for a certain blonde. When his little secret is accidentally discovered by his good friend Dark, it seems the whole turns against him._

Chapter 6

…

Greeted by the sight of Kosuke holding a steaming mug, Krad suddenly seemed sheepish to have shown up on the doorstep so late and struggled to come up with some sort of excuse as to why he was there. Despite the fact that he didn't even know why or how he'd ended up here, he still struggled to offer an excuse. "Mr. Niwa," he said slowly.

"Kosuke," the male corrected with a small smile; perhaps it ran in the family but he'd never been able to crack the Hikari boys into just calling him by his first name. "What can I help you with, Krad?"

"Is…Daisuke here?" Krad asked, feeling like Kosuke could see past his lame attempt. With the way the older male was looking at him, he could only assume he'd been figured out the moment Kosuke laid eyes on him.

"Sure thing, come on in. Can I get you something warm to drink? You look like you're half frozen," Kosuke asked as he moved aside.

Though Krad felt like he was stepping into his own trap as he walked into the house, he shook his head. "No, I'm fine, thanks."

"No? We just finished dinner, I could grab you something to eat? Daisuke's up in his room."

"Oh, thanks," Krad said. "But, I'm fine, really," he insisted, despite the fact that it was a damn lie on so many levels it made his head hurt just to think about it.

Kosuke's brown eyes lingered on the male for a second before he nodded and closed the door behind him. "All right. Well, go on ahead, I won't stop you," he said.

Krad nodded and offered a short word of thanks before he stepped through the house he'd become so very familiar with. For some reason it seemed like enemy territory, despite the fact that the Niwa had never been anything but nice to him. He crept up the stairs to Daisuke's room and knocked. The boy's pleasant voice brought him no relief. "Come in."

Pushing open the door, Krad drew in a small breath and entered.

"Oh, Krad," Daisuke greeted; he was wearing his pajamas and seemed to be getting ready for bed. He wore a slightly lopsided smile that Krad could tell was forced; Daisuke had stiffened upon seeing him. It was then that he assumed the boy had been made aware of his own plight, be it from Dark or Satoshi or Kosuke; whoever had told him, he didn't care.

"…Hello, Daisuke."

"Well…Hey. What are you doing here?" he asked even as he continued to gather his papers and put them away as he prepared for school in the morning. "It's kind of late…"

"…I know. I just…thought I'd drop by and," his eyes graced the room; he realized he didn't want to make eye contact with Daisuke, who was trying so hard to force himself to use his manners, still. "You know. Say hi."

Even Daisuke wasn't to be fooled. "Oh. Yeah? Well, you know. Hi. Is…everything okay?"

Krad tilted his head and looked at him before he shrugged. "I guess."

"Oh. What were you doing out in this weather?"

"…I suppose I just needed some fresh air, that's all."

Daisuke nodded and glanced towards his bed before looking back at Krad. "All right," he concluded uncertainly.

"Yeah. Well." There was an awkward silence and Krad nodded. "Guess I'll see you at school tomorrow. Night, Daisuke."

The redhead nodded slowly. "All right, yeah…"

With a curt wave, Krad stepped out of the room and closed the door behind him. He shoved his hands into his pockets and drew in a shallow breath before he made his way to the stairs, wondering if he could sneak out before Emiko or Kosuke caught him. He was only halfway down when he realized this was going to be an impossibility given that Kosuke was sitting in the living room watching the television. When Krad's foot made contact with the bottom step and he adjusted his bag over his shoulder, Kosuke shot a smile and a wave. "Krad, you're not leaving yet, are you?"

"I…yeah, just had to see Daisuke real quick," he said, glancing at the ground.

"I see. Do you need a ride back home?"

Krad cringed and shook his head. "No, I can walk…"

"In this weather? That's insane, Krad. It's a twenty minute walk and a five minute drive. Anyway, Emiko wanted me to grab something from the store, so I don't mind."

"It's okay, really…"

Kosuke watched him and then lowered the hot chocolate he was sipping at. "…What happened?"

"Nothing, really, it's okay. I just…wanted to get out for a while and was in the area. Honest."

"…Krad, it's twenty eight degrees outside and you're already half frozen. Come on," he said, standing. He reached for his car keys. Krad watched, already seeing how this was going to end.

"…Thank you," he mumbled.

Kosuke said nothing to him; he walked across the living room and paused by the kitchen, where he wrapped Emiko in his arms and gave her a quick squeeze and a peck on the lips, promising to be back soon.

Krad followed hesitantly, his body working like a rusted machine. He didn't try to run when Kosuke opened the door and stepped out, he simply followed him to the car and climbed into the passenger's seat, shivering. Kosuke started the car and turned the heater on; within a moment the cold air began to heat up.

"Your father doesn't know where you are," Kosuke said as he buckled up. It wasn't a question, but a fact.

Krad looked at him; he had just been about to follow suit but froze.

"He told me to call and tell him if you showed up."

His arms went limp and Krad suddenly—once again—felt betrayed by someone he'd thought he could trust.

"Relax, Krad. Buckle up. I didn't call him," Kosuke promised.

"Then why are you driving me back home?" the blonde asked as he forced himself to put on his seatbelt.

"Because I promised Kei I'd call if you showed up. I'm not a liar, Krad, but I can pretend like you didn't drop by just as long as I know you get home all right."

Krad sighed and leaned back in the seat as Kosuke began to pull out of the driveway. "…We got into a fight," he said, feeling as though he needed to elaborate.

"He mentioned something along those lines," Kosuke admitted, eyes on the road.

"Yeah? What else did he say?"

"That he was worried about you."

Krad scoffed and glared out the window as he clutched his bag to his chest. "Yeah, right. I doubt it."

"Your father cares for you, Krad, he just…doesn't know how to express it. I'm not going to pretend to know what's going on, but…"

"Yeah, I know. 'Your father loves you and he's trying his best and it's hard' and all that shit," he muttered, glaring at the scenery they passed.

Taken aback by the sudden harshness, Kosuke sighed. "…I'm not in your shoes, so I can't imagine to understand what's going on in your head, but…"

Krad made a slight grunt in response; Kosuke was right. He didn't know what Krad was going through. But neither did Kei, and yet Kosuke was handling this so much better than his own father.

"…But you'll pull through. You're a good kid, Krad. Whatever happens, don't give up. Not on yourself, and not on Kei. Things will calm down as soon as he starts to understand that you're not crazy. You're just a teenager," he said, flashing a smile to Krad as he turned down another road.

A growing sense of dread rose in Krad's stomach as he realized they were mere seconds from his house. "I don't like when he yells at me," he suddenly confessed. "I don't like when he doesn't let me talk, and when he rubs it in my face that he likes Satoshi more. I can't make him listen, he immediately assumes everything that comes out of my mouth is a lie and that I'm some devil child."

Kosuke sighed as they pulled into the driveway; Kei's car was still there, but Krad was forcing himself not to look at it. At first he assumed Kosuke was going to give him some half-assed reply about how the sun was going to shine brighter tomorrow or something, though found himself almost pleasantly surprised when the Niwa asked, instead, "Is there anything I can do?"

He blinked and looked at Kosuke, opening his mouth and then closing it; he shook his head just slightly, having no real response to offer. "I just…I'm just frustrated…"

"I can tell. We'll have to do something this weekend. Emiko's always sad to see Thanksgiving go, she'll be more than happy to be cooking. You and Satoshi and Kei should come over. I'll invite Dark, too," he said, hoping to be reassuring. It only served to cause a subtle blow to Krad; he hadn't spoken with Dark since his friend had snitched on him. Instead of pointing this out, he just nodded and unbuckled himself. "…Thanks."

Kosuke nodded. "If it ever gets too bad, Krad, don't go running off into the snow again. Just call, all right? I'll take care of things with Kei."

Krad nodded, and while he was still relieved that he had at least some sort of ally in this battle, he still didn't want to think that he'd be relying solely on the Niwa family to shoulder his burdens. He was convinced there would be some times when he just didn't want people to be around, though this wasn't something he was going to say to the man that had just gone out of his way to accommodate him and make sure he was doing all right. "Thank you."

With another slight nod, Kosuke smiled. "All right. Good luck, tonight. Make sure you get a good night's rest and eat a good breakfast."

Flashing a force smile, Krad slid out of the front seat and stepped out of the car, closing the door behind him. Admittedly, he was relieved when Kosuke pulled out of the driveway and began to drive away without waiting for him to step into the house; it gave him the security that he needed that _someone_ trusted him.

Even though he didn't plan to run, it still took him a good few seconds to collect himself before he finally pushed open the front door and stepped inside.

He wasn't surprised to see a door he recognized as his own unscrewed from his bedroom and resting against the stairway, though it didn't mean he wasn't still somewhat disheartened. The light was on in the living room as well as in the kitchen and though the television was on, he could hear his father talking in the living room. He sounded livid—angry, and the thought frightened Krad. He toed off his shoes and gently closed the door behind him, wanting to at least change into some dry clothes before he dealt with his father's wrath.

Satoshi appeared holding a glass of water; he blinked when he saw Krad and then glanced over his shoulder towards where their father was on the phone. "…I wouldn't have come back if I were you," he said softly, no doubt so that Kei couldn't hear.

The words weren't reassuring in the slightest, so Krad just swallowed the lump in his throat and watched as his brother began to walk upstairs. He intended to follow, though just as he was about to head up, Kei appeared in the hallway.

The man's eyes leered towards Krad and he suddenly stopped ranting about whatever it was on the phone. Krad couldn't make out the words before, though he heard the ones that were spoken next, "Never mind. I'll call you back later."

The phone clicked off and Kei set it down on the table in the hallway even as he stalked towards Krad. As if to show he meant no disrespect, Krad didn't bother running up the stairs but took a few steps backwards so that he and his father could be near to eye level.

He was expecting angry words, not the fist that collided with his face. It took him so by surprise that he stumbled backwards and hit the wall, sliding down to the floor. His jaw was throbbing though he was more dizzy than anything and looked up at his father, staring blankly.

In all of his years, he'd never seen Kei so angry. The man reached down and gripped Krad's collar, hauling him to his feet. "You _brat_," he raged. "I almost called the police! What the hell were you thinking, Krad! Don't you _dare_ disrespect me like that again or I swear, you will _regret_ it, do you understand?"

Kei's shaking brought him out of his stupor enough that he was able to offer a small nod.

"You're grounded," Kei snarled. "No television, no computer, no phone, no friends. I don't want to see you out of your room unless I call you. Are you listening?"

"Dad," Krad protested weakly, though he had no point to speak before Kei shook him and then pushed him away. "Go take a shower. Change into your pajamas and be back down here in twenty minutes or I'll take down the door in the bathroom, too."

Krad stared for a few seconds and then his eyes fell to the ground. "…Yes, Sir," he said only.

Kei didn't respond, only walked away. He picked up the phone and dialed someone, walking back into the kitchen and away from sight.

While he could feel a prickling in his eyes, Krad refused to acknowledge that the blow alone had nearly brought him to tears; he picked up his back and walked up the stairs. It was difficult to grab his clothes, get in the shower and get ready for bed in such a limited time frame and while he was still washing the soapy suds from his hair there was a loud banging on the door. He heard his father's voice threatening him if he didn't open the door.

Krad turned off the water and, with a heavy sigh, collected himself. "…Dad, I need five more minutes, I'm not done."

"Krad," Kei warned.

"I didn't even lock the door! If you need to check on me every five minutes, fine. I'm just trying to get the damn shampoo out of my hair! I'm going as fast as I can, I'm sorry!" he said, exasperated.

He heard the door wriggle and could tell his father had been checking to see if he was lying, though it appeared that when Kei deduced Krad was telling the truth, he said through the cracked door, "Don't keep me waiting for much longer."

"I won't," Krad mumbled, resting his head on the cool tiles in the shower before he turned the water back on. For a moment he'd thought his father was going to storm in and tear back the shower curtain just to check on him. He was granted a moment's reprieve as he finished rinsing his hair. Though he wanted to take more time drying off, he didn't want to press his luck and changed into his pajamas; he dried his hair as best he could in the next moment and then tied it up so it wouldn't drip so much on him.

He'd been straining not to look in the mirror; his jaw ached phenomenally and he didn't want to be further reminded of the fact that his father had assaulted him, though several times he caught his reflection out of the corner of his eye. Already he had a bruise forming; though the colors were a pale brown as of yet, the contrast against his skin caused it to stick out all the more. He tore his gaze from the steam covered mirror and stepped out.

Reluctantly he walked back downstairs and into the living room. Kei glanced up for a split second and looked at Krad.

While he approached with caution, Krad took the initiative and rolled up his sleeves, emotionlessly displaying his marred arms. There were no fresh injuries and when Kei, who seemed pleased that he didn't have to tell Krad to do it, handed the boy a glass of water and two pills. "Take these."

Krad didn't even ask what they were, he just placed them on his tongue and lifted the water to his lips; he downed half the glass though the pills were gone in the first sip. Unprompted, he opened his mouth to show Kei that they were all gone.

His father never offered any words indicating he was pleased with Krad's willingness to comply with his demands, he merely took the glass back and gestured for Krad to take a seat on the couch across from him. While Krad moved, he turned off the television and leaned back in his recliner.

Krad sat, lacing his fingers together atop his knees.

"…Things are going to be changing around the house," Kei started, letting this information sink in.

Krad's eyes, planted on the ground, never moved from the wood floor. He nodded, the only sign that he had heard.

"I didn't want to have to do this, Krad. I never thought I'd have to do this."

Tired and just wanting to get to bed, Krad nodded once more.

"When I'm gone, Satoshi's in charge."

Well, Krad saw _that_ one coming. He nodded, not really caring. He could always bully Satoshi and threaten to tell Daisuke all his embarrassing stories.

"You're not allowed in the kitchen."

This seemed to take Krad by surprise. "I'm—what?"

"There's far too much in there for you to hurt yourself with, Krad. So stay out."

"Dad," Krad wanted to protest, wondering if Kei knew how ridiculous that was. "I know you think I'm some sort of monster, but I still need to eat…"

"Then ask Satoshi to get you something. If he's not around, call me. It will be like this until I've removed everything dangerous."

"…I'm not some mentally challenged child, dad. I won't do anything to hurt myself," he mumbled.

"Krad." It was his 'no questions asked' voice.

"…Never mind, I am some mentally challenged child. Sorry," Krad said, sighing as he leaned forward and buried his face in his hands.

Kei tilted his head just slightly as he watched his son hunch over. He wasn't going to debate with Krad, he just wanted to get to the point and be done with it all. "You'll still go to the psychiatrist. You're still grounded. But I'm trusting you to get home by yourself and to go to every meeting. All right?"

The blonde shrugged just slightly; he was paying less attention now, finding it relatively hard to focus. His head hurt and he felt like he was slowly spinning. "…Yeah," he answered, realizing that Kei had been waiting for him to say something.

His father sighed gruffly. "…Go to bed, you have school in the morning."

"…Good night, dad," the blonde tested, his already glum mood sinking when Kei didn't respond sans to lift up the newspaper and resume reading. He sat for a moment longer and then stood, taking a sluggish step towards his room.

The room suddenly lurched and when he thought he'd been stepping towards the doorway he realized he was actually already in the process of falling; in a stroke of ill luck, before he could hit the ground alone, his head collided with the corner of the side table.

He didn't entirely register the pain at first; it was only when his body went limp on the floor that the rolling pain began to plague him; he tried to push himself up but found he didn't have the energy. The last thing he saw before darkness claimed him was his father's shoes in front of him and a warm hand on his shoulder.


	7. Chapter 7

**Drowning in Deception**

_The holidays are coming around, and it's all but pleasant for a certain blonde. When his little secret is accidentally discovered by his good friend Dark, it seems the whole turns against him._

Chapter 7

…

_It is with mild humor that, while I am grateful and appreciative of all your moving reviews, this chapter goes to one reviewer in particular, who simply insisted on a review and I choose to adhere to the request however inaccurate the timing mentioned was. While it has been, admittedly, twenty days exactly since I updated the last chapter, I assure it has not been two months. Thank you for your enthusiasm in requesting a review, however, as it did give me the motivation I needed to finish writing this chapter._

…

Cold hands were pressing against his skin; he registered flashing of lights, muffled noises, and a constant, persistent prodding of cold, smooth hands across various parts of his flesh. He wanted to fight, wanted to push them away with their lights and noise so he could go back to sleep, though they were persistent.

When he awoke, he understood why.

It was chilly in the white room when he blinked his eyes opened; it took a few seconds before the blurriness faded and he was able to make out further details—a black television hanging from the ceiling in the corner, a clock on the wall, an empty bed to his left and a large window that showed a beautiful vision of the nearby landscaping from a clearly elevated level. The beeping of monitors and machines from his bedside told him what he already knew—he was in a hospital. The sun was hanging low in the sky so he concluded that he'd been unconscious for at least a day.

He didn't want to think about it, though; his head _hurt_. With a groan he reached up to brush at his forehead, made aware of the IV sticking out of his arm. His stomach churned at the sight so he hastily closed his eyes. He wanted it out of his arm, but he wasn't foolish enough to rip it out. Instead he groped around the bedside until he found the little clicking device attached to the bed; he didn't know what several of the buttons meant and, finding it useless, he discarded it and began to look around the room again.

He was saved from loneliness by a nurse that walked in, blinking. "Oh, you're awake," she said with a smile too cheesy to be real. She walked over and looked at his stats on the machines, making idle chit chat that Krad only barely comprehended.

She must have realized he wasn't listening and stopped, glancing down at him. "How are you feeling?" she asked slowly in a voice just barely condescending.

"Can I go home?" he rasped, blinking at the voice that sounded nothing like his own. His throat was dry and his mouth parched.

The nurse paused and tilted her head. "We'll have to run a few tests, but I'm sure that can be arranged. We'll need to call your father, of course."

"…Yeah, sure. What happened…?" he prompted, licking his lips and trying to swallow; it brought him no comfort or relief.

"It looks like you have a small concussion from that bump on your head. Nothing too serious, but you'll probably take tomorrow off from school. You probably shouldn't take those medicines on an empty stomach, didn't they warn you?"

Krad didn't want to point out that he had no idea what medication he'd even taken so he numbly nodded and muttered a meaningless apology.

The woman nodded and fiddled with some of the machines for a few minutes more before she said something about getting him checked out; she asked if he needed anything and when he declined, she left.

Within the hour, Kei walked into the room, followed by a doctor and the same nurse. They spoke in a corner for a few moments and Krad felt like a stupid child being kept out of the loop while they whispered, though when they all walked to his bedside he was already sitting up despite the fact it made his head spin.

The doctor looked at the chart at the foot of the bed, checked the machines and then gave the nurse the okay to check him out. Kei pulled the doctor aside and was speaking further to him; Krad watched them instead of the nurse as she began to disconnect the few wires attached to him. When she moved to his arm to remove the IV, however, he glanced at her with a bit of curiosity.

She saw the scars, obviously, but was pretending like they didn't exist. There was a pinch and then the IV was out. He grimaced though did well to hide the discomfort the whole thing put him in.

Fifteen minutes later he had an icepack held to a throbbing point on his head and was walking out of the hospital behind his father, who had said nothing to him yet. When they reached the car, Kei got in, turning it on and buckling up even before Krad had closed the door. The loud noise made him cringe, and buckling was slow for him.

When it finally clicked, he glanced up at Kei, who had been watching him for the past few seconds. For as much as he wanted to say something, no words came out and he reluctantly sank back into his seat and looked out the window.

Still without a word, Kei started driving. More than halfway home while they were stopped at a red light, he asked, "How are you feeling?"

The words seemed so sudden and unexpected that Krad at first imagined that he'd even heard them and turned to look at Kei. It was when his father continued to look at him that he realized he needed to reply and answered slowly, "Sick…"

Kei nodded. "We'll get something to eat," he said; the light turned green and he drove for a moment before pulling into a fast food lane. Ordering what had once been 'the usual' for his family and himself, he handed Krad a bag and said, handing him three orange bottles from his pocket, "Take one of each when you start eating."

He kindness of the gesture was lost though Krad didn't think to obey and popped off the lids until he had one of each pill. Closing them, he handed them back to Kei, placing them in his outstretched hand before he put them all in his mouth at once and took a great sip from his drink. It hurt when they went down his throat, but it felt so good to have something to drink that he kept sipping even long after they were gone. He picked at the fries, not caring if they were oversaturated with fat and salt; his stomach was growling and Kei had bought him the food so he'd eat it.

Kei read the disappointment on his son's face before he pulled out of the parking lot. "One of them was a pain killer," he informed, as if that was going to make it any better.

"Oh," Krad answered awkwardly. "…Thanks."

From the driver's seat next to him, Kei sighed. "…So, you don't have to go to school tomorrow but the doctor says you should be fine on Wednesday."

"I'm tired," Krad mumbled, his eyes half lidded as he continued to snack on the food.

"You can go straight to bed when we get home, I won't ask for you to do any chores. Did you finish your homework from before the break?"

"I think so. I'll check tomorrow."

"Good boy," Kei said in what was _almost_ a praise.

Krad just shrugged. A moment of silence ticked by and then he asked, "Do you hate me, Dad?" He kept his eyes focused on the warm food in front of him and didn't miss Kei glance at him out of the corner of his eyes.

Regardless, there was no answer.

Kei looked back at the road and continued to drive home, silent.

It was less of an answer than he would have liked, but it made Krad wonder if he would have liked the verbalization any more; he finished his meal and then tenderly lay back in his seat, closing his eyes. He didn't sleep, instead allowing himself to just relax. The throbbing was subsiding, though his fatigue and sleepiness seemed to be growing with each passing moment.

He might have dozed, or just been so engrossed in his own thoughts that he didn't realize they were home until he heard the door to the car open and blinked awake, seeing Kei stepping out of the vehicle. Hurrying was not the best idea, but thinking that he could be out of the light, in bed, tucked in comfortably was enough to make him hasten.

His head was barely throbbing as he unbuckled and collected the trash from the meal, stepping out of the car and closing the door before following Kei. He didn't know where his father went as he stepped into the kitchen and threw away the trash, all he knew was that as he was halfway up the stairs, Kei was calling his name from the foot of the stairs.

So close, and yet so far away, Krad slowly turned to look down at his father. "Yeah?" he asked, _seriously_ hoping Kei wasn't going to find some reason to chew him out or keep him from the bed he so craved.

"I don't hate you."

There was a moment of silence once again between the two; the awkwardness was every rising. "…What?" Krad asked rather dully.

"I said, I don't hate you. You just…frustrate me. I don't know what to do with you sometimes," Kei confessed, reaching up to massage at his eyes from beneath his glasses in a mannerism that was so like the one Satoshi had adopted.

"…If you could exchange me for another kid, would you?" Krad tested, not phased by the look of irritation his father gave him. "You're just asking for trouble when you ask questions like that, Krad. Be happy with your family and they'll be happy with you. Stop being so troublesome, you're only making it worse for yourself."

It wasn't that Kei didn't miss Krad' shoulders slumping, it was just that he didn't know what to say to correct himself and didn't want to make a fool of himself or seem weak.

"…Got it," Krad relayed as he turned around. "…Night, dad."

Kei sighed as he watched the boy go, once again reaching up to rub at his eyes. He would have given the world to have the boy's mother back to deal with this. He knew he was doing it wrong, he _knew_ it. He couldn't help the angry emotions that were always clouding his judgment, pr the harsh words that fell from his lips, he just…didn't know what to do. All that was clear to him was that he didn't want to lose his son—and even if that meant he had to be the monster in Krad's life that steered him back onto the straight path, he'd do what he had to.

Unaware and relatively uncaring of Kei's guilt, Krad walked into his room and grunted at the void doorframe. He stripped and changed before crawling into bed. Sleep was an ally and claimed him quickly. He slept until noon the next day and didn't bother changing out of his pajamas, he just went downstairs, intent on quelling his roaring stomach. He peeked into the driveway to make sure Kei's car was gone and, knowing Satoshi was in school, went into the kitchen and made himself something to eat.

The evening passed uneventfully; Satoshi came home and retired to his room to work on a project while Krad got ready for school the next day and went to take another nap. His head was killing him but when he went to check for some sort of pain relief he was met with nothing but empty cabinets and had since given up on any sort of relief.

At eight there was a knocking on his doorframe and he could make out Satoshi's silhouette from the hallway light. "What?" he grumbled, rolling over and drawing the blankets up over his head.

"Dinner time," Satoshi replied stoically, walking in and turning on the lights. "So wake up."

"I'm not hungry," Krad huffed, not looking at his younger brother.

"Dad says you have to eat something when you take the pills."

Krad grumbled and very much wanted to throw something at Satoshi, though restrained himself and sat up. "Whatever. Come in."

Satoshi did so with little hesitation; he placed the TV dinner on Krad's bedside as well as three pills and a glass of water. "I'm supposed to watch you while you take the pills and call dad later, but I don't have time. Just take them. Dad says don't forget about your appointment tomorrow after school."

"Is that it?" Krad asked dryly, half glowering at his brother.

"…I guess," Satoshi said, sighing. "…You feeling okay? I haven't seen you around much."

"I'd warrant that's because you've been ignoring me," Krad clipped as he lifted the three pills and took them once again simultaneously; he didn't know which one was the one to stop his headache, he just knew that it was worth it to take the other two as well.

Satoshi didn't reply to this, just sighed. "Dad's gonna stay at work late tonight. He said he might not be back until tomorrow night. You have to take three more pills tomorrow morning and call him when you get to your appointment and when you get home."

"Thanks _mom_," Krad said through clenched teeth, irritated that his younger brother was allowed to have such authority over him.

Their mother was a sensitive topic, so Satoshi just sneered and left, turning off the light in Krad's room on his way out just to be an ass about it. Not that Krad cared about eating in darkness; the food was gone in only a few moments. Alarm set, he went to bed without once thinking about the next day.

When he first woke up due to the screeching of his electronic alarm, he meandered into the bathroom and did his usual ritual, coming out dressed and showered a few long moments later. He had about half an hour at least before Satoshi was anywhere near ready to catch the bus, so he walked into his room and grabbed his backpack.

Once downstairs, he threw it carelessly by the door and went to make something to eat, grimacing at the plate with three pills sitting out for him on the counter. He took them with a piece of toast and a glass of chocolate milk before he released a heavy grown and glanced outside. Entranced in his thoughts about nothing, he didn't hear Satoshi getting ready for school until his brother spoke from just behind him, "It's dark."

Krad suddenly froze and slowly turned. "What?" he asked, voice shallow.

"I said," Satoshi grumbled as he went about making himself his own piece of toast, "It's dark. Outside? The sun hasn't come up yet."

"Oh," Krad blinked, glancing out the window. Satoshi's words were true enough, though the image of his tan skinned, dark haired friend flicked through his face. Today, he was going to see Dark. It would have been the first time since Thanksgiving. He and Dark hadn't spoken at all since then and a fierce chill ripped through him.

"Hey. You okay?" Satoshi asked; he eyed the empty plate.

"…Yeah. I'm just fine. Got a lot on my mind."

"Yeah, I'd imagine," Satoshi said with a small shrug. "…You gonna be okay, today?"

"…Probably," Krad answered, glancing at his brother. He was relieved that while Satoshi still seemed slightly awkward, he at least was still acting like a friend. "Have you talked to Daisuke recently?"

"Yeah. And Dark," Satoshi replied, seeming to read his mind.

"…Oh. Yeah, all right."

"Why, something on your mind?"

Krad shook his head and sighed, head hanging. "…No. Just hope today's going to be an easy day."

Satoshi watched for a few minutes longer and then released a slow breath. "…Well, there's only one way to find out."

Grimly, Krad nodded and made his way to the door, heaving his backpack up over his shoulders. Satoshi followed wordlessly.


End file.
